The Proustian Questionnaire

From Jacket magazne. With a nod to Sarah.

When did you last die?

Isn't every breath, in and out, a death?

What gets you out of bed in the morning?

Guilt.

What became of your childhood dreams?

I got over them, thank god. Otherwise I'd have 14 kids and be living on a farm in South Dakota.

What sets you apart from from everyone else?

Well, first, I'd like to think it's my ability to see this questionnaire and this particular question as a disgusting form of narcissism, which I nevertheless feel compelled to indulge in, but I doubt that sets me apart.


Second, I can size up everyone in a room's feelings within seconds.

Oh, and I occupy *this* space.

What is missing from your life?

Among other things: financial security.

Do you think that everyone can be an artist?

No. Well, I suppose they *can* but the question's weird. I mean, only artists seem to think everyone should want to be an artist. Do scientists ask this kind of question?

Where do you come from?

If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

Do you find your lot an enviable one?

Well, I suppose. Is this question supposed to make me feel grateful for all the blessings in my life? How bourgie.

What have you given up?

Furniture, many friendships, feeling sorry for assholes.

What do you do with your money?

Ha!

What household task gives you the most trouble?

cat litter cleaning. Yuck.

What are your favorite pleasures?

Thinking. Good conversation. Hot baths. Reading a good book. Seeing art. Listening to or seeing live music. Moments of insight.

What would you like to receive for your birthday?

As you might have guessed by now, a fucking million dollars. Art from my friends.

Cite three living artists whom you detest.

The guys in Interpol.

What do you stick up for?

Like my Mom always said, I stick up for the underdog.

What are you capable of refusing?

Compliments. I bat them away like pesky houseflies.

What is the most fragile part of your body?

The back of my neck, if by "fragile" you mean sensitive.

What has love made you capable of doing?

Loving. Things that might not have been in my self-interest.

What do other people reproach you for?

Inconsistency. Undue sarcasm. Low self-esteem. Extreme criticalness.

What does art do for you?

Offers a perspective, a possibilty, a politics.

Write your epitaph.

Easy. "Fuck you you fucking Fuck." That or, "I told you I was sick."

In what form would you like to return?

Same as this one but w/ way more money. But I ain't comin' back unless everyone I like comes w/ me. Drinks on me.